Shame

Shame – crafty, scheming, devious and illusive - an emotion whose name alone conjures its own feeling like a witch calling forth an evil spirit.  It rises from the abyss to plunge its serrated edged dagger of self-loathing into the core of the soul; ripping open the victim’s self-image from the inside out and leaving their psyche trapped in its putrefied scent like the wanderer’s misstep into pitch.  With its prey firmly constrained it sinks its fangs of denigration into their character extracting all traces of self-worth, but never satisfied to leave one numb from the void. 

It resolutely attaches itself inside of the shadows hiding behind memories waiting like a street thug to strike at any hint of trauma’s echo.  Its elusive nature coerces its target to use its own voice against itself; compelling the bound to participate in its own demise like a victim at the mercy of its perpetrator.  With stealth like intimidation it attacks convincing the quarry its damaged goods leaving them indefensibly cloaked in an oppressive shroud of torment and driving them deep into the darkness dividing them from all that is good.

Shame is an aggressor skilled in treachery that prostrates the martyr at the altar of its deception exacting revenge and driving self-retaliation.  Shame promotes anguish, discharges sorrow, conceals dignity, hides self-worth; demanding allegiance to isolation’s depths.  Shame rejects all counsel, discards support, refuses the truth, snubs encouragement, disallows legitimacy and rebuffs love.  Shames goal is to eliminate pleasure, dissolve satisfaction, question integrity, induce agony and kill dreams.  It is a calculating, fraudulent, misleading enemy that oppresses, humiliates and threatens bent on destruction with the ultimate goal of dehumanizing its prey.   

Some capitulate to the idea that shame is inherent in the human condition, born out of humanities depraved nature well deserved in the face of its guilt.  LIES!!!!!!!!!!!  Perpetuating that perception binds shame's sufferer to the baseless belief that they are defective partnering with shames duplicitous satisfaction.  God’s testimony speaks to the cherished and distinctive nature of humanities essence; its creation a precious investment that testifies to his/her goodness and mercy.  Creatures whose worth is so deeply inherent that God nailed her/himself to a cross, not to appease Divine anger, but to solidify the profound legitimacy of his/her eternal acceptance, love and the priceless nature of one’s person-hood. 

Shame is the antithesis of acceptance and authenticity; the burial garment of hope born out of unimaginable helplessness and traumatizing pain.  Shame is the heaviness of sorrow draped over the heart's eyes obscuring the ability to see one’s authentic self in all their unique purpose and beauty. Shame is not an emotion that leads to life; but a tyrannical persecutor that intimidates, rejects, distorts and devours one’s capacity to be loved.    

Shame IS the Guardian of Darkness. 

Cynic or Realist?

Social networking –its existence brings with it a host of response. Some people love it – others absolutely despise it; yet regardless of where they fall on this continuum a huge percentage of the population is participating on it one way or another. I love social networking! I think its invention was a stroke of GENIUS. I am so grateful to those whose vision of a virtual community created an environment that allows for me to draw those I have loved from childhood and since onto one site. Life’s circumstance often separates us from those we never wanted or intended to lose touch with. These SN sites provide a way of reconnecting, restoring and re-engaging relationships that at another time would be forever lost. Attachment in all its various manifestations is always a plus in my book, so to Mark Zuckerburg and others like him I send you a hearty thank you.

With that said, what prompted this particular blog was an incident that occurred on a social networking site yesterday morning. As usual, I checked in and posted a quote picture that was cryptic in nature, but had tickled my funny bone. In the status directly following mine, someone posted a prayer for God to protect them from the toxins of cynicism. Now this could have been and most likely was a complete coincidence but, it caused me to reflect on how we, as humans; interpret, project and judge the meaning of sound bites that are commonly known as statuses. I try to be balanced and systematic in what I post. I understand that this is a public forum and I work to project myself in the same way I would any other public space. But, even with that intentionality there are risks taken when sending a message out into cyberspace. This experience had me once again ask myself what kind of picture are you painting of yourself. It also had me asking, am I a cynic?

The definition of a cynic is one who is distrustful of human nature and motives – one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest. I love people!!! I rarely struggle to find common ground during interpersonal encounters and like most. My current profession is the study of human nature and the ways in which it can be served, helped and healed. Several months ago during a conversation where relational frustrations were being aired, I shared that I had learned to live in the tension of having high hopes for people, but low expectations. For those in their twenties that seems like such an oxymoron, but once you have experienced enough disappointment in relationship, both facilitated and received; this paradox can be internally accepted without contradiction or anxiety. Life’s experience led me to internalize the reality that people are a mixed bag of dark and light, ambition and laziness, self-destruction and benevolence….theologically speaking humanity is defined as sin-filled and at the same time a beautiful reflection of the imago Dei (God’s image).

Actually, I think a dose of cynicism is healthy. Does possessing it preclude having high hopes –absolutely not. Seriously, why choose to enter into the people helping profession if the belief is that people are incapable of change? Nevertheless, change is rare and it often comes about at a snail’s pace. The investment made in another is a blind leap of faith with shifting outcomes rarely seen by those doing the investing. This is why the Scripture reminds its followers not to be weary in well doing. Yes it is true, human beings are self-serving. Even in our benevolence, we want to feel good about assisting others as well as serving God. If we approach helping situations without this understanding; at the very least we will be seen as naïve Pollyanna’s who are easily taken advantage of and/or not to be taken seriously. Or, at the worst hold unrealistic expectation that leads to repeated disappointment, weariness and eventual bitterness when the fruit of our labor is limited.

To the nameless individual who posted their prayer of protection; I say thank you for initiating another round of self-reflection leading me to process through these thoughts. I too send up a prayer - for an understanding that cynicism is not the antithesis to hope; and in the midst of much needed idealism the knowledge that a healthy dose of skepticism brings balance to one’s expectations.

To answer the question, am I a cynic? No….but I would say that I am a realist.